Husband wants a motorcycle?
May 6, 2010 by admin
Filed under Kitchen Ideas
My husband and I have 3 small children (the girls are 5 and 6) and our little boy is 18 month old. We have just bought our first home last summer and there is alot of repairs that we need to do to it. Like upgrade the kitchen, redo bathrooms, not to mention replace heater system (which is not broken yet, but its very old). Anyway, he just completed his motorcycle class, got a license and now he wants to buy a motorcycle. He says he will get something not very expansive (like 3-5k). We do not have this $ to spend on the motorocycle, so he wants to take a credit/loan. Plus I have no idea how much is the insurance, but I can imagine our premiums will go up. We are ok financially, I mean we have good jobs, but everything goes toward the kids – their school, their figure skating/ballet classes. So in the end, we really dont have that much $ left to spend on ourselves.
I dont know how to react. Please advise and dont be mean 
I understand that a man needs his space, that he wants a hobby, etc. I am not against it. I just think right now is the wrong time for it. We really should be spending $ on renovations on our house, not the motorcycle. He told me yesterday (and it really hurt alot) that ok, we will have this nice, renovated house, but he is “going to wake up one day and just leave it all” 
This sucks. I sacrifice everything for the family. I have put myself through grad school and got Masters in CS while working with 3 kids. I make good $, but I can never bring myself to spending on things that I “want”. Kids always come first. I think my husband is being selfish and unfair. What do you think?
You need to talk to HIM about this. Venting to us does nothing to change your situation. It’s all about communication in order to solve problems, and looking for validation from 3rd party strangers will never help. Find a compromise you both can live with and go from there.
I think there is more to it then just the bike he wants., but if he wants it and moneys not tight let him get a cheap bike. you can get a good one under 2000.
I think the upgrades you want/need for the house are more wants then needs. I think let him have his bike, the upgrades to the home can wait just a bit….maybe you should allow yourself some fun money too. Get your hair done, or your nails, buy some new clothes or go out with the girls.
Spending a little on yourselves doesn’t make you bad parents. Who knows, maybe you will end up enjoying the bike too…..
He may be a little selfish but just because you have kids does not mean that your life or your wants have to end. Yes, kids do come first, but it sounds like they are doing very well. You said you were pretty well off so I doubt your kids are starving and are on the brink of being homeless. The part that worries me, more than the money, is how dangerous motorcycles can be. That is the most selfish part, IMO. I would never consider riding a motorcycle. Its too dangerous and I have too much to lose, like your husband.
Your husband has a family to support and care for, he should realize that comes before his hobbies. The kids always come first, you had them , you must care for them.
I think if a man or woman work hard and take care of the family every now and then they should get a “toy” they want. If you want your man to treat you like a queen then treat him like a king. (and vice versa)
You had my sympathy up to about 2/3 rds of the way through your narration. At that point it became apparent that you want to control the marriage and decide what is important for both of you.
As a grad student you should be able to see both sides. What if hubby says you can’t do anything you want. It all has to be his way?
Meet him half way. You are supposed to have a partnership, not a slave / master relationship. No wonder the man wants out. Your marriage will be stronger as a partnership.
And yes dollars will always be short, even if you win the lottery, you still wont’ have enough dollars to do all the things you and he will want. But without some pleasure in life, why live, so put some of those things you want to pay for on hold so you can have money for some recreation and fun.
I think you need balance. While I think it was cruel of your husband to tell you he might leave you someday if you keep this up, I think maybe you’d be wise to heed the meaning behind the words. He’s not being unreasonable about the motorcycle, and if you continue to hold him to unreasonable standards of frugality, he will eventually become resentful. Believe me, your girls are going to love going for rides with Daddy, and if he also uses the bike at times he’d normally use another vehicle, the money you save on gas will help your bottom line. Please, try to loosen up about this.
You are both doing yourselves a disservice. It sounds as if the two of you are denying yourselves of some small pleasures in life. The house will always need things done; always! Will your husband be using the bike to go to and from work? If so, he’ll be saving money on gas. You can probably get a multi car discount on your insurance. House and home on same policy? If there isn’t some give and take, then the marriage is gonna explode. I’m sure that you would like a facial and a massage once in while. Do it! Life is too short. One day the kids will be grown up and gone and what will you have. Your house that probably needs something fixed.
First off- I don’t care how hard he works- he has NO right threatening you with leaving. That’s completely bull! and it is selfish and unfair- he also has to know that you just don’t have 5 grand to blow on something that keep costing more money.
Me and my husband have allowance- $25 a week. He blows all of his on lottery and junk. I save mine up for shoes and clothing.
I suggest setting up an allowance for BOTH of you. If he wants the bike- he can save up for it. No loans- or getting in dept over something so stupid. I would also bring up something you want like a new pool or deck or porch. He is acting like a big baby. Personally- I would tell him if he thinks that is appropriate behavior and that’s how he feels about you and his children- perhaps he should just leave. Basically a new toy is more important then his family.
YES- he should have some money for a hobbie, but NO you shouldn’t get a loan for it. See how he feels about setting up a bank account and saving just for the bike. Start a loose change jar for it. Also you can get a bike cheaper then that too… so perhaps after a little saving- he lower the bar on what he wants.
I think you need to rent the movie “Easy Rider” and watch it while getting drunk with him. Put the kids to bed early.
Ever seen the movie “American Beauty”?? This is what will happen to him if you don’t let him get the bike. Do you want him smoking pot in the garage and peeping on the neighbor’s daughter? A motorcycle is SAFER.